Today was another HOT day in Holland.
I no longer gauge "HOT" by the actual temperature,
because when you ask how hot it is, you are told 24, or 27 as in today.
That might as well be in Dutch because my brain is
like a omelette when it comes to metric conversions.....pan fried.
Here is what I know. Anything over 21 requires a double layer
of pitstick, extra water and lots of sunscreen.
My office-mate, Orpen, knew just what we needed this weekend.
Sand and water.
So she gave me the map above and told me it is about
a 15 minute bike ride.
Piece of Cake.
We loaded up the kids, the towels, lunch, swimsuits
and the camera and set out for, what I was told was, our "15 minute" bike ride
to Muiderburg's man-made beach.
This is King Charlie's new bike seat.
I can now add this to the "Places Charlie is most Happy", which
previously only included "water". Now, it is "water" and on his "bike".
And we set out for our adventure.
It is important to note a couple of....minor.....points here.
1. Nate's bike is a single-speed bike. (It is really hard not to spit-take when I write that)
2. In addition to it being really hard to peddle, especially on ANY incline, he is lugging an extra 70 pounds of kid. (again, with the spit-take.)
3. The bike that I am borrowing must stay in 6th gear, or the the chain will come off. Sixth gear
is a nice thigh-tightening gear that makes you look ridiculous riding up ANY incline.
4. My front break (which is the one I always favor) doesn't work well.
5. I rode in flip-flops.
That was called foreshadowing.
After about 10 minutes of huffing and puffing, we made it to Muiden, which is the main
town that we had to navigate through.
We saw lots of Dutch countryside.
And smelled lots of Cow backside.
And smelled lots of warm weird sour milky-smells that
was so intense, Nate had to wear his t-shirt over his nose and
my gag-reflex kicked into high gear. Just like my bike.
It really was breathtaking. In more than one way.
Since it was so warm, we made lots of water stops.
It was at this point that we were certain this bike trip was going
to take us more than 15 minutes.
Looking off a bridge in Muiden:
The center of Muiden:
Small, narrow, cobble-stoned streets make up Muiden.
This is where Nate almost had his ass-side shaved off by a car.
It is highly suggested that you know what you are doing when riding a bike
in a small town with cobble-stoned streets.
About 45 minutes into our leg pumping Tour de Holland,
we were hot, sweaty, tired and a little sloppy.
We were on a bike trail where when you looked left, you only saw a grassy berm.
Looked right, you only saw miles of farmland, looked ahead, you only saw endless bike trail
and looked behind you, only saw endless bike trail.
Nate suddenly called out "I'm going to stop" and then he, naturally, stopped.
I crank on my front brake.
Nothing happens. And I am about to take out my three boys.
So I start making Plan B and
fly ass-over-head flat on the bike pavement, on top of my handle bars.
I've done this before - like when I was 14 and it hurt then.
I am now 37 and believe me....it hurt worse.
I shaved all of the skin off of the top of my 2nd toe
and shaved all of the skin off the bottom of my big toe.
Blood.
Pain.
Stupid flip flops.
But all of the Dutch girls ride in skirts and flip flops.
I'm so not Dutch.
Back on the bike and a few miles later,
we finally cross over the berm and see this:
It was an oasis for our delirium.
We dropped our bikes, stripped down to swim suits and
jumped right in.
It was HEAVEN!
The water was warm, clear and only knee-deep as far as you could walk.
Thankfully, the water was NOT salty, otherwise, I'm certain my
hamburger toes would have fallen off.
We played in the water for HOURS watching our very happy,
cooled-off boys. It was the happiest time we've had yet in Holland.
This is a man-made beach that also had a cafe, playground and an
ice cream stand:
And then it was time to head back on our 15-minute-which-actually-
took-us-1 hour
bike ride home.
I bailed a second time (because my flip flop fell off) on the way out and reinjured
my already hamburgered toe and slashed my thigh with my handlebar and decided then that
I likely will not be participating in the Tour de France anytime soon.
On the way home, we had to stop to let these guys cross:
And to photograph the castle in Muiden:
And to figure out what the hell these cows were looking at (it was nothing,
they must have just been hot):
And to photograph my boys:
One of them, slept half of the way home.
FACE-DOWN ON HIS HANDLEBARS.
And now we are home, nursing my foot, managing sunburns
and doing everything we can not to walk or stand because
our bike seats were made in the Devils Workshop.
Damn you, bike seats.
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